I've been sitting in front of the computer screen, thinking of what to blog about. Admittedly in my last blog, I've been getting lazy, but now that I've some spare time, I seriously do not know what to put down into words. Simply because what started out as a personal journal of sorts, has become an open page of my life, where people of my life who know of my blog comes to check it out now and then and well, find out what's going on in my life (am I making any sense here?).
Anyway, increasingly, I find myself doing self-censorship in terms of the topics I blog about. Although there's the Blogger Beta that now allows users to restrict access to certain entries in their blog, I'm reluctant to switch over, YET.
Self-censorship, because I do not know who's out there reading my blog (maybe you can identify yourselves through the comments section). Because I do not fathom the thought of my nonsensical rambling leading to some volcanoes erupting. Because I know that as much as I am forming certain opinions of people around me, they're forming opinions of me too.
Yeah yeah, I admit. I care a lot about what people think of me. (though there're some situations where I thought that I simply do not give a heck whether he/she likes me anot.) But yes, I try to be careful about what and how I say the words of my mind. Or sometimes, simply shut up when I do not agree with certain ways things are done or how people behave. Lately, the keyword to my rationalisation of things happening ard me is to think "POSITIVE". I realised that doing that helps put things into a different perspective, and helps me exercise a greater tolerance towards others (ok ok, it doesn't stop me from doing some harmless bitching).
Perhaps that's the reason why you're reading this instead of some other entry about XXX or YYY. Sometimes, self-censorship gotta be present. Sometimes, it's not totally necessary to let the whole world know how I think. Sometimes, it's important to keep those thoughts in my head. (Likewise, sometimes, it's important to bitch, but I think my blog is not the right platform to do so. haha.)
Afternote: Perhaps I can be like mr fox, who created a blog where I am the only reader (as of now), with a disclaimer that if anyone is not happy about what he blogs, he/she can jolly well stop reading his blog, because it's afterall his blog and his channel to air his thoughts, frustrations and complaints.
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2 comments:
*shakes head* cannot cannot. You want people to read your blog, cos it's defnitely ego stroking when the readership is high. So when you want to bitch or throw something personal, you must come up with a story. A story which you can understand fully while others only partially. A story that has dubious characters and a familiar plot. Takes alot more time than your average entry.
hmmm, that's a real challenge that you've given me. Will try to attempt it one day.
Let me start thinking about my fictional world first...
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